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1/18/2007 The Next ChapterAt 6:20 this morning Kayla received a call from Jose, Ephraim's dad. He said Jenny left last night, that she had died. Kayla, Ephraim, and I, along with Kayla's dad, were on our way back to Arequipa an hour later. Jenny's memorial will be this evening, followed by her funeral tomorrow. With one question answered so many more surface, with the easing of one's pain many others are left suffering.
Please pray for the family left behind, for Jose, and her children, Daniel and Marisol. Please pray for us, also, for the wisdom and peace needed to play the roles we have been given. 1/17/2007 The Chronicle continues...On December 28th Kayla and I had a hearing with the child advocate and presiding judge regarding Ephraim's future. The ultimate result of those hearings has not yet been realized, but a temporary issue of custody was issued to us to remain in effect throughout the investigation process. The investigation was also a result of the hearings, and will entail home visits to both our home and the home of Ephraim's birth parents, as well as a hearing with his father, and possibly interviews with individuals familiar with the case.
I have delayed in sharing this news because, up until yesterday, it seemed as if nothing had changed, there was nothing to report.
Last night we were informed that Jenny, Ephraim's mother, has returned to the hospital, the most detailed account thus far leading us to believe she has intestinal blockage. We are in the midst of church camp in Southern Peru, out of touch with Arequipa, and found out by chance -if there is such a thing - that Jenny has again fallen ill.
Questions of the future overwhelm me. If she truly has intestinal blockage, a condition I believe usually requires surgery, the questions only increase. In her weakened state none of us are sure she can survive any surgery. Jose has no means of paying for either surgery or medical care, and thus we are not sure if the doctors will consider her a candidate even if her body is able to cope with the trauma. Of course, being out of touch we are not certain of the condition she is in, and thus, it may be much less threatening, or much more, than we have been led to believe.
I want Ephraim to be my son, to have my name. I want my parents to meet him, to hold him, to babysit him. I dream of bringing him home, taking him camping and hiking, teaching him to fish (as soon as someone teaches me), but more than anything I want what's best for him, what will provide him with what he needs.
I do not want, have never wanted, and have no desire to deal with, Jenny's death. Her prolonged suffering torments me, the thought of her other two children losing her, leaving her already broken husband widowed makes me cringe. Yet these possibilities are upon us. I only want what is best.
The will of man and God are in constant conflict, even the will of those attempting to live for Him. I need no more evidence than this situation. My thoughts have rested lately on the price we pay for all that we receive, all that we want, in this world and the next. For everything we desire we must pay a price, and this whirlwind I find myself in reminds me of just how high that price can sometimes be.
I have no control over anything that is happening now, and yet all that is happening seems to control me, tossing me about as no day is like the one before, no even ground can be found.
Jenny's death would answer the question of what family will raise Ephraim, but who am I to say that answering that question without her death will not, in effect, answer the question of her death?
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